FallenAngel

Friday, January 11, 2008

ah hah!
im finally back again!!!! whoo!
anyways, so many things have happened when i was away in Dubai
i missed DC and the Exiles so much that i nearly cried when i saw everyone again.
i dont know how to explain it.
i really dont
so i wrote it in my commonwealth essay (which i will post up later)

anyways, i have this amazing thing to say,
my sis' close friend, Bryon Hon, is an AMAZING writer
no, seriously, and he is like, only P6!
go check out his blog: www.bryonhon.blogspot.com
he's amazing for a P6.

well, o's are fast approaching and im annoyed.
no, im not worried, im ANNOYED
seriously, think about it, it's only the 1st proper week of school,
and we'd 2 freakin' SPAs already.
go die.

this year, i swear that i'll not be distracted,
not even by FEI LUN HAI...
wait, does anyone think that it is worth buying the new CD???

right, so here goes the commonwealth...
its not well written, so i apologise in advance.
smile:)

Name: Charmaine Lim Jie Min
Class (2008): 4A3
Age (31st Dec 2006): 15
Topic: Class B, No. 5- Blue

Blue…what is blue to anyone really? Is it perhaps only an emotion felt, or just a color that spreads across the skies? Or maybe, just maybe, a memory...?

The sky was going to be deep blue, on my first day at Dubai College. Or so it seems, according to the weather forecast. It was not a good thing to me when I heard that during breakfast. Most of the time, when the sky is clear and there are no clouds, something is bound to happen to me, something that will definitely embarrassed me, and technically, it happened almost everyday. And since then, blue has always been around me to remind me that I need to be stronger based on physical and emotional basis to avoid constantly running into bad luck. After all, it’s my first day at high school, and I need to start a new image.

Walking through the gate of Dubai College now seems like a million years ago. But there I was, with my newfound friends, standing in a strange corridor, trying to find our Arabic class, waiting to find out what the teacher was going to do to us. We were alone again in the alien environment. I panicked actually. My stomach started to churn, turn over, and fluttered like a butterfly. I was thinking of running away but the bell stopped me. Curious glances are coming from both sides of the corridor. Then everyone started filing into the corridor. It was a nightmare…

We were constantly being pushed around. We felt small, so small.

We entered this completely foreign room- a completely bizarre place. Looks like we had entered the wrong room and our class might just be on the other side of the school when I turned out school map the right way round. The sixth-form class in the room surrounded us and wanted to know what we are, well, not really, but something like that. Although we were wishing that they’ll know that they are suffocating us as we were being pushed around, we knew it deep down really, that we sort of liked the attention. It feels like quite a homely sort of place- quite friendly, especially since the focus was on us as well. And we all survived (actually it was because a girl, in blue uniform marking her a sixth-form- whom we later realized is our Head Girl- told everyone to leave us alone and she brought us to our Arabic class almost too happily).

Six of us from Horizon Junior School entered this place out of the 250 successful candidates. One of them is my very best friend, Karina Takapi-Lambert. We had sworn to stick by each other very closely and we would have each other as friends only. Well, just by entering the DC gates, it no longer seemed possible. We were split up but, somehow, we’d always managed to bump into each other before classes. In some way, I still think that the school had planned it all so that we won’t too get lonely. But we never did anyway.

Thinking back, 7DL and I weren’t just by ourselves, we had each other to fall back on. We were class of only 20, but most importantly, we were to be a family for the next seven years.

We first came to know each other during the orientation, a day where only year 7s come in to get to know each other better, to help each other, and to get used to each other’s nonsense. That was also the time when we knew that I am to be the ‘mother’ of the class as I am always concerned with the class welfare; James Armstrong is a natural born leader and academic scholar; Jean-Michael Hurst and Murtaza (aka Mike) are to be the jokers of the class (“Hey guys, is there cheese in cheesecake?” or pushing each other off the glass-bottomed boat and having to swim to the shore during our very first camp in Fujairah); James and Jan Matus are going to be famous footballers in the school; Lewis Hammond, Mike, Jean-Mi, Sohan, and Abishek are going to be most outrageous cricketers; Nikita Patel, Jasmine Hujair, and Rebecca Mooney are to be in the first netball team in Desert Cats; Gaby is the self-appointed GOD (“How about if I tell you to do it…and you do it”), and the list goes on.

These are the people whom I can count on and they are all over the place- corridors, dining halls, classrooms, toilets…etc. And there seemed no possible ways of splitting us up that time. You just can’t. We won’t let you.

Every time I lie on the grass in the middle of the huge school field and look up the blue sky and the water reflecting it, I realize something: DC is not just any madhouse or anything; it’s a place that we call home.

It is a home under the vast blueness of the sky, and the memory of it stays in me.

And my friends, is the reason why the sky is so blue.

As DC students, we always had something to look forward to: barbeques, disco nights at Amnesia, prom nights, ski trips, French exchange, Doha exchange, Cyprus trips, Rashid Athletics Meet, etc. We explored the meaning of youth at school. And we took advantage of whatever came in our way. To be a youth is to do something that no one has ever done before or to fulfill something that you desire. Our life as students is like a game, we just have to take a risk at every turn we make and make it to our own amusement no matter how bad it may be. We were always busy looking for things to do, like, trying to score 15 goals in a year; trying to find a way to explode the science lab; play in Ireland’s youth football team; break a bone, etc.

But I never got to go on some of these events and find out what I’d never done before. I’d missed so many of these episodes when I left DC for the Ringwood School (RS) in the UK. I was the first to leave the family. Depressed, I told myself to never to render the change to my own benefit.

The sky was covered in strands of dark clouds when I took my last step out of DC.

But after four years, I look up and I see that the sky is once again blue and I smile to myself, taking in everything blue inside me. I am returning to school today and something is bound to happen, but I’m glad to be home again.

I blend right in and everyone is shock to see me back again. They surround me, and demand to know why I am here and will I be returning for sixth form. They tell me that they want the class ‘mother’ back again even if they are doing very well. I feel like I’m in my first day of school again. It is really embarrassing that I feel like crying all over again when I see these familiar faces and how much they have changed.

After joining my friends for Term 1’s ending assembly, we agree to gather around at Karina’s house, since her house is 10 minutes drive to the Mall and the nearest to a mall.

Everyone is already there by the time Karina and I arrive. For some reason, and I have still yet to find out how, the boys were already half-drunk and we have to push them into the house after being chased by the neighborhood dogs. Jaiwai, from Jumeirah College and our old friend from junior school is already running into the kitchen and busy unpacking all the snacks that they bought while Karina is screaming at the boys “Get off the bed! I don’t know where those paws of yours have been!”, and the rest of the girls and I are snickering.

Nikita and Gaby are at the back, refining their skills on makeup. Gaby asks, “Do you want to use my lip gloss?”. Nikita raises her eyebrow and replies, “Is it the shiny type?”

All of us stop what we are doing and burst out laughing. That is, all of us except Jean-Mi and Mike, the jokers, who don’t think it is amusing.

Rob, being the only person who is completely drunk, is watching his schoolbag go round and round and round and round in Karina’s washing machine.

Jin, Jawai’s other brother, the oldest one around here, and who is not invited to this gathering but he came anyway, looks up and says: “I’ve lost my car keys”. Three hours later and after turning the whole house upside down, “Oh, it’s in my pocket!”.

Jan, Sam and Lewis are sitting around the Christmas tree, trying to finish their GCSE Mocks for the winter homework. Sam suddenly looks up and asks: “How do you delay milk turning sour?”. Jan stares at him as if he was dumb, “That’s a stupid question, you keep it in the cow.” Sam nods his head, “Oh yea, how silly…” (Note, this question genuine and was tested in the finals last year, the student who answered it in the same way, got an A). “And what it is seizure?”, he asks. Jan sighs, “A roman emperor.”.

Lewis asks Jan, “What is the definition of ‘Benign’?” and Jan bites on the end of his pen, thinking hard, “Benign is what you will be after you be eight.”, and Lewis copies it down.

James looks around and manages to slur out a couple of words: “There is insufficient hot guys here…”, before dunking in another can of beer.

Within these short few hours, I really have enjoyed myself like I haven’t been doing so for the past few years. My place is really with these people. They are always my family no matter where I go. Right now, there’s this feeling in me and I want this to last forever and I have no intention of leaving this place.
But deep inside, I know that this is not possible at all.

As I look around, I realize that I have been clinging onto the past and thinking that they will always be the same, but I am wrong. They have all gone and accomplish so many things: James has done well in scoring 15 goals last year; Hector succeeded in blowing up the science lab during the open house last year; Vanessa was scouted and is now back in Ireland, representing her country in football; Rob managed to break his arm during the ski trip last year, and the list goes on forever.

Thinking back, I wonder what have I done? Nothing, for I always think that I will return to Dubai someday and there is no reason for me to work so hard in RS. Somehow, I felt exactly as how the sayings go: If you only look up, you’ll forget what’s down. It’s true, for I never really bother to have the curiosity to understand what is going on around me, and this result in my understanding of nothing.

I learn something from their smiles about moving on today. My friends here, keep things simple and did not over-analyze or complicate things. When the situation changes, they move with the change. I need to adapt faster, like them, like when they finally realized that one of them will not be returning anymore, they try to cope without the ‘mother’, and look after themselves better. If I cannot adapt on time, I might as well not adapt at all. I have to let go of the past and adapt to the present. Dealing with the change may be difficult, but the biggest inhibitor to change lies within oneself, and nothing gets changed until I change.

I had feared. I had feared that if I change, I may not be whom I used to be anymore and I still want to live in the past, in my own comfort. But even though some fear should be respected as it will keep you from danger, all the fears that I had in the past were irrational. There is no point and meaning in it. Fear is just an excuse. To change is something that I need to find in my own way, beyond my comforts and past my fears. No one could do it for me or talk me into it, I have to see it for myself

I can believe that a change can harm me and resist it. Or, I can believe that embracing the change will help me. It all depends what I choose to believe.

It is natural for change to occur continuously, whether you expect it or not. Change surprises you only when you were not expecting it or did not look for it.

The past will remain the past but needs to be buried deep inside me so that I can move on. If I stumble and fall, the past is only there is push me forward, not heal my wounds. But the most important thing is to embrace everything with a smile, not matter how bad it is, just like what my friends had done. Just smile, and there is nothing that you can’t get through.

My mother calls it the ’15 years old blues’. She tells me that it is a stage when the blues follow me everywhere I go. And she couldn’t be anymore right. Every time I look up, the blue sky reminds me that this family will stick with me forever. And just like the vastness of the sky, it will never end. This bond is a deep conviction that can never be broken. Even when apart, our hearts are still connected.

When I look up, the sky is clear intense blue, just like how I want it to be, always.

A memory.

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

btw.
i'd jst seen my blog...
n i realise tht the blogskin is really
gettin on my nerves~!!!!!!!!!!!

i need to change it asap!

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Tag replies:
Sivvy: yeps yeps, u're welcome:) eh ur photography are not bad not bad:)

heard abt bahbus...erm yea
one of her classmate was criticising her thro the class blog...
erm well about tht...honestly
i dont no how to explain to u
but actually,
i hve to admit tht in a way,
bahbus deserved it coz she thought too highly of herself
... as in...(sigh)
she shld hve thought of how her friends would hve felt,
since they dont hve a choice as to which class they could go
due to parents saying no,
rather than provokin them indirectly, or unconsciously,
by telling the whole world tht she can choose
which class she wants to go.
its like being really arrogant.
n the whole blog thing,
what she wrote was sorta of a trigger to all this.
so technically,
she started the whole thing.
but in a way, shes not totally at fault.
i mean, honestly,
do u expect pri 5 kids to be able to use blogs maturely???

eh wait, does tht make sense so far???
i took me ages to explain it to my mum!
so u ppl may not undersatnd it....

i know what u're thinkin...
u're probably thinkin:
'oi! u're supposed to be siding ur sister!'

actually, i was siding with her in the first place
n i was pretty annoyed with her friends.
but seriously,
think abt what her friends would think as well.
as in,
why do u think they might hve done it.
it was kinda bahbus fault tht she was seeking attention
n provokin others at the same time.
but its not entirely her fault either.

get it???

so yea, thts wot i think anyway.
i plan to tlk to her tonight,
but its kinda impossible to hve a
civilised conversation coz
we may end up screaming at each other.
but oh well.

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

wow
i'd just realized sth:
i havent been blogging for like, ages!
then again, i'd been busy...
erm yea, with the whole peer lite thing n exams nonsense.

im returning to dubai for the hols next week
n i dont know how i'm feeling.
honestly, im really scared.
i dont know what to expect nor do i no
what everybody's expectations of me are.
i mean, its weird, seriously,
goin bac there after a few years.
im no longer the old Charmaine who didnt care about anything
n thought tht everything in the world is there for me to mess up.
im no longer the Charmaine who uses her anger to solve things,
nor am i the Charmaine who wasnt afraid of anything.
im afraid tht i'd changed so much tht i'll be rejected.
i miss them, i seriously do.
but im afraid to meet them.
i dont even know what to say to them.
i really hope that i wont hve expectations
coz i dont want to be hurt if things dont turn out the way i'd wanted.
this holiday seems to be too long.
if i stay for long, i may not want to leave.
then again,
if the worst happens, the holiday will be ruined, n i would wanna leave early.
im scared, i dont no what to do.

M isnt helping much either.
hes been busy with is uni exams n mocks
oh not to mention tht hes goin to Switzerland
for matches.
which, means tht we're hardly on the phone together.

i hope tht Karina is still there for me.
i hope tht she'll be the one who takes me ard
i know how it feels to suddenly lose ur best friend.
but im really sorry.
i hope she's still who she used to be.

tmr's deepavali n im goin ova with jo n tht lot.
i really dont want to think abt it anymore,
these few days i'd been buggin them by spacing out.
i dont want to do tht again.
Sorry.

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Friday, October 05, 2007

heh.
we were tlking abt 9/11 tht day,
n i suddenly remebered this.
thought it might be quite cool.
so yea. heh.

9/11
1) New York City has 11 letters

2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.

3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.

4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

5) The two twin towers make an "11"

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:

1) New York is the 11th state.

2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number
11.

3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11

4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers.
6+5 = 11

5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 = 11

6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
9 + 1 + 1 = 11.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254. >2 + 5 + 4 = 11.

2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
Again 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.

3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.

4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers
incident.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic

holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first
plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.

2. Highlight the Q33 NY.

3. Change the font size to 48.

4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS

cool eh??

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Sunday, September 02, 2007

????, ratatouille, and hedgietouille:)

yeps! i fixed their hair. well done charmz:)

Don't ask. i hvent gotta clue wot was goin on then-.-"

this is known as the egoism...is there such a word???

another failure emo pose

the sec 3 choir family...awww...

yux!
the cutest award goes to...CHARMZ! heheh

yux. i really dont wanna no wot she was doin x)

these are from thurs. the day when the elderly from St Luke came to our school. or sth like tht. choir n gu zheng had to perform as well. CIP points or sth like tht....

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

i often wonder if im in the right CCA... haha

it took them ages to get their faces straight for this pic haha:)

i wonder what will ms tan say if she sees this hehe

this? caroline's failure emo pose -.-"

nope. i dont no this bunch of ppl. lol

heyheyhey! pics from the national day parade. will post more l8er coz theres loadz to post up n i dunno how to use photobucket coz it takes to long. haha:) keep smiling:)

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Monday, August 27, 2007

i jst realized something...
theres actually no point in bloggin.
no one reads my blog...
in fact....
im not even faithful to my blog.
haha.

its jst like some friends really.
once u leave them...
theres no way tht they'll talk to ya again.
its as tho u mean nothing...
as tho we'd never been friends...
as tho we really dont no each other....
as tho they hve a problem with yr existence.

its funny really.
jst thinking back...
ive done so much for thm n its not recognized.
i no i dont play a big part in the clique...
but there not right in throwin me away,
n then pull me back when they need help.

i really hate it when one of them makes us of me
to do their work.
funny init?
funny tht u already expected them to do things the last min.
its really weird tht we were friends once upon a time
it really doesnt seem like it now.

its nice to hve a change for once
n to be where you truly belong.
to be stuck with them is like to be
stuck between being yourself n being like them

oh well
with the EOYs approaching,
i can only concentrate on studyin rather than thinkin wo they're up to every min.
i've given up a long time ago already

say cheese x]

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;

Friday, August 17, 2007

haha
at joyce see's hse now.
haha
im taking ova her laptop:)
tht moron was supposed to do her hmk and...
i tried to confisc8 her phone...
and jo was supposed to sit on her laptop...
but...
i gues we failed sooooo miserably haha

anyway 4 down...
2 MORE TO GO!!!!
then we hve the finals.
argh

went to eat with jo, joyce, sam n tiff
and joyce n i had a fight ova where we wanted to hve lunch
she wantd to go to white tangerine...
again...
n i, macs.
haha im totally broke now :)

(omg! i see archie comics on her desk!!!)

dad left already
so i guess i'll see him at the end of the year.
which means...
HOLIDAYING FOR 2MTHS!!!
yay!
first thing im gonna do is visit DC!!!
and KARINA!!!
yay!
dearest one! im coming!!!!
haha:)

aiya why is tht moron tking so long in the toilet???
i think shes laying eggs or sth
haha:D

please dont wilt, my lonely flower;